oh, and merry Christmas. Happy new years. Happy Sludge-season. merry below. freezing tempuratures. Congratulations, you survived 2009. They sure made it hard this years, huh? thanks. Really, thanks for reading. even though I know no one does. if you do, let me know. even if it's just to shut Up and stop being such melodramatic cynical ball of angst. At least I'd Know.
OK I'm going to stop drowning in self-pity now and go write something decent. thanks.
30.12.09
The Darkest Day
minor chords, and minor fears
whispers of the end drawing near
bury you here, tonight
glimmers of thick moonlight
in your eyes
no, you're not coming home
we let you just die alone
now you hear our cries of
tag:
it's not fair
the cloak of sorrows that you wear
its not right
losing the war, when you've won all the fights
the quickest lives are the hardest to bear
scream up to god "i'll remember, i swear!"
no, it's not fair
can you save the ones, that are already too far away?
can you hear it now, after your dying day
your pounding heart relapse,
you catch me as i laugh
it all away
you slipped through our fingertips,
songs still on sorrowed lips
how your words do fray
-TAG-
A four-four heartbeat comes to a close,
why such a wicked end,
you're the only one who knows
though you struggle and strive,
you've saved too many lives
to give up now
fade to black,
you wont be coming back
and there's nothing left to say
it's not fair
when the sadness you carry is too much to bear
its not right
losing the war, when you've won all the fights
life is over, before you're even there
scream out to you, "i'll remember, i swear!"
no, it's not fair
hard as i try,
even angels die,
it's not fair,
and you're not there...
in loving memory of james sullivan, the rev, the reverend tholomew plague, jimmy. February 10, 1981-December 29, 2009. musician. artist. hilarity. writer. a good man. and the best damn drummer to ever grace the face of my eardrums. he will be greatly missed.
remember.
whispers of the end drawing near
bury you here, tonight
glimmers of thick moonlight
in your eyes
no, you're not coming home
we let you just die alone
now you hear our cries of
tag:
it's not fair
the cloak of sorrows that you wear
its not right
losing the war, when you've won all the fights
the quickest lives are the hardest to bear
scream up to god "i'll remember, i swear!"
no, it's not fair
can you save the ones, that are already too far away?
can you hear it now, after your dying day
your pounding heart relapse,
you catch me as i laugh
it all away
you slipped through our fingertips,
songs still on sorrowed lips
how your words do fray
-TAG-
A four-four heartbeat comes to a close,
why such a wicked end,
you're the only one who knows
though you struggle and strive,
you've saved too many lives
to give up now
fade to black,
you wont be coming back
and there's nothing left to say
it's not fair
when the sadness you carry is too much to bear
its not right
losing the war, when you've won all the fights
life is over, before you're even there
scream out to you, "i'll remember, i swear!"
no, it's not fair
hard as i try,
even angels die,
it's not fair,
and you're not there...
in loving memory of james sullivan, the rev, the reverend tholomew plague, jimmy. February 10, 1981-December 29, 2009. musician. artist. hilarity. writer. a good man. and the best damn drummer to ever grace the face of my eardrums. he will be greatly missed.
remember.
26.12.09
blistering wounds on the unforgiving night
there are stars
they tell me
that will lead me back to you
stars that will lead me to the moments we sat at the piano
when we crashed in the grass, the music echoing in our ears
when the twilight kissed the moonlight, and the silence was our soundtrack
to the moment when your voice held mine in perfect harmony
stars that will take me to when we resided in the dark, drowning in hormones and second chances
when there was magic in the fireflies and miracles in your fingertips
when the i fell asleep under the blanket of night, listening to the lullaby of your rhythmic heartbeat
when mirrors were no use, when i could see myself in your eyes
stars that will lead me to before your palm smashed against my porcelain cheek
before, when IV only meant four
before i gave up on trusting anyone, because anyone i trusted gave up on me.
before my voice clunked against these ivory piano keys, and the golden sunset looks more like rotting fruit than anything else.
before i smashed the mirrors inside your eyes and cried a lake of sweet memoir and remissions
before the last relapse that sent the knife into my throat.
stars
that led me to that field one night, apparently transparent, and i whispered your name
i whispered, and i called, and i yelled at the top of my shrinking lungs
your name, but you didn't respond.
i held you there, till i sank into the daylight
nothing but a pile of recollection and repentance
nothing but an unhealing scar, and a reminder of your infinite missteps and miscalculations
nothing
but a star, to fade into the night
a star, to shine in the everlasting blanket of darkness.
a star, to lead some other forgotten lover to their final place, of the unliving past and the undying future.
they tell me
that will lead me back to you
stars that will lead me to the moments we sat at the piano
when we crashed in the grass, the music echoing in our ears
when the twilight kissed the moonlight, and the silence was our soundtrack
to the moment when your voice held mine in perfect harmony
stars that will take me to when we resided in the dark, drowning in hormones and second chances
when there was magic in the fireflies and miracles in your fingertips
when the i fell asleep under the blanket of night, listening to the lullaby of your rhythmic heartbeat
when mirrors were no use, when i could see myself in your eyes
stars that will lead me to before your palm smashed against my porcelain cheek
before, when IV only meant four
before i gave up on trusting anyone, because anyone i trusted gave up on me.
before my voice clunked against these ivory piano keys, and the golden sunset looks more like rotting fruit than anything else.
before i smashed the mirrors inside your eyes and cried a lake of sweet memoir and remissions
before the last relapse that sent the knife into my throat.
stars
that led me to that field one night, apparently transparent, and i whispered your name
i whispered, and i called, and i yelled at the top of my shrinking lungs
your name, but you didn't respond.
i held you there, till i sank into the daylight
nothing but a pile of recollection and repentance
nothing but an unhealing scar, and a reminder of your infinite missteps and miscalculations
nothing
but a star, to fade into the night
a star, to shine in the everlasting blanket of darkness.
a star, to lead some other forgotten lover to their final place, of the unliving past and the undying future.
24.12.09
6 ways to save a life
i. Would you mind telling me?
i'd really like to know
though headgames are my favorite sport
and mysteries my favorite books
and romance is a bunch of happilyeverafters gone wrong.
though sorrow is just for people without time to go for happy
and skinny is just for people without reason to eat
ii. because my fingers bleed from typing you these messages
because those chocolates you gave me made my heart stop
because the gift you gave me was the greatest curse of all
because the miracle of life is only paralleled by the emptiness of death
iii. i'll write in the dark to her
and whisper all these things to her
and tell her everything you did to me
i'll tell her that your full of it
and how i think you're full of shit
and how i wouldn't love to see you now
iv. i want to hear your laugh
back when i thought it wasn't at me
i want to hear you sing
when my heart's not full of jealousy
i want to see you dream
when i know it's because of me
and i want to hear you scream
and repay what you did to me
v. there's a girl out there,
boy, who never looked your way
but thought about you all the time
who wrote you notes you'll never read
and gave you warnings you didn't head
and i there's no way i'll forgive you for it all
vi. i'm sick of writing useless words
proving to you that i'm worse than you though
and you told me that i've got problems
and, honey, you don't even know the half of it
i'd really like to know
though headgames are my favorite sport
and mysteries my favorite books
and romance is a bunch of happilyeverafters gone wrong.
though sorrow is just for people without time to go for happy
and skinny is just for people without reason to eat
ii. because my fingers bleed from typing you these messages
because those chocolates you gave me made my heart stop
because the gift you gave me was the greatest curse of all
because the miracle of life is only paralleled by the emptiness of death
iii. i'll write in the dark to her
and whisper all these things to her
and tell her everything you did to me
i'll tell her that your full of it
and how i think you're full of shit
and how i wouldn't love to see you now
iv. i want to hear your laugh
back when i thought it wasn't at me
i want to hear you sing
when my heart's not full of jealousy
i want to see you dream
when i know it's because of me
and i want to hear you scream
and repay what you did to me
v. there's a girl out there,
boy, who never looked your way
but thought about you all the time
who wrote you notes you'll never read
and gave you warnings you didn't head
and i there's no way i'll forgive you for it all
vi. i'm sick of writing useless words
proving to you that i'm worse than you though
and you told me that i've got problems
and, honey, you don't even know the half of it
18.12.09
Character Masks of Remaining Shudders
i am the girl with ribbons in my hair, a mystery in my eyes, and laughter in my heart.
i am the boy with bags under my eyes, because i'm "following in my family's footsteps" like I'm supposed to.
i am the girl who weeps alone, because the only person who would hold me together is the reason i'm crying
i am the boy i told myself i wouldn't become. so much for that.
i am the girl with not a fear, because i hold man's greatest fear in my hand
i am the boy who wanted to be there, but life got in the way
i am the girl who remembers, when all i want to do is forget
i am the boy who lied to you
i am the girl who's sick of your lies
i am the boy who wants nothing more than to sink into the sand and let the sea swallow me whole
i am the girl who you remember looking back, but never saw when you were there
i am the boy you didn't listen to
i am the girl who told you i love you
i am the boy that became a beast
i am the girl who's screams were silent
i am the boy
i am the girl
i am the girl looking into a cracked mirror of broken sorrow
i am the boy who never wanted to be a man
i am the girl who believed in something else
i am the boy who turned your black roses red
i am the girl who fell, when you tripped me
i am the boy who cleaned up your mess
i am the girl who needed a miracle
i am the boy who needed a chance
i am the girl who wanders, but is not lost
i am the boy who made you who you are, who gave you that scar
i am the girl who blushes at your name and trembles at your presence
i am the boy with the power of millions
i am the girl you laughed at
i am the boy you finally understood
i am the girl with a smile on her face
i am the boy
i am the girl
i am the boy who will never get the chance to find out
i am the girl with a heart full of questions
i am the boy finding letters from the sky
i am the girl, left with only raindrops in my hands
i am the boy, who was never superman
i am the girl who is gone now
i am the boy who remembered you, when everyone else ignored
i am the girl of your dreams, but you're the boy of hers
i am the boy who couldn't move fast enough
i am the girl who was always asking questions with no answers
i am the boy who tried to fall
i am the girl with feet on her coattails
i am the boy who refused to forgive
i am the girl who refuses to forget
i am the boy who never wanted to be
i am the girl who never was
i am the boy
i am the girl
a n d n o w
i a m t h e m e m o r y.
i am the boy with bags under my eyes, because i'm "following in my family's footsteps" like I'm supposed to.
i am the girl who weeps alone, because the only person who would hold me together is the reason i'm crying
i am the boy i told myself i wouldn't become. so much for that.
i am the girl with not a fear, because i hold man's greatest fear in my hand
i am the boy who wanted to be there, but life got in the way
i am the girl who remembers, when all i want to do is forget
i am the boy who lied to you
i am the girl who's sick of your lies
i am the boy who wants nothing more than to sink into the sand and let the sea swallow me whole
i am the girl who you remember looking back, but never saw when you were there
i am the boy you didn't listen to
i am the girl who told you i love you
i am the boy that became a beast
i am the girl who's screams were silent
i am the boy
i am the girl
i am the girl looking into a cracked mirror of broken sorrow
i am the boy who never wanted to be a man
i am the girl who believed in something else
i am the boy who turned your black roses red
i am the girl who fell, when you tripped me
i am the boy who cleaned up your mess
i am the girl who needed a miracle
i am the boy who needed a chance
i am the girl who wanders, but is not lost
i am the boy who made you who you are, who gave you that scar
i am the girl who blushes at your name and trembles at your presence
i am the boy with the power of millions
i am the girl you laughed at
i am the boy you finally understood
i am the girl with a smile on her face
i am the boy
i am the girl
i am the boy who will never get the chance to find out
i am the girl with a heart full of questions
i am the boy finding letters from the sky
i am the girl, left with only raindrops in my hands
i am the boy, who was never superman
i am the girl who is gone now
i am the boy who remembered you, when everyone else ignored
i am the girl of your dreams, but you're the boy of hers
i am the boy who couldn't move fast enough
i am the girl who was always asking questions with no answers
i am the boy who tried to fall
i am the girl with feet on her coattails
i am the boy who refused to forgive
i am the girl who refuses to forget
i am the boy who never wanted to be
i am the girl who never was
i am the boy
i am the girl
a n d n o w
i a m t h e m e m o r y.
Unless you do, if you can; but you can't, so you don't.
don't tell me that you know how i feel
Unless you've heard an i d o n ' t l o v e y o u
Unless you look in the mirror and hate e v e r y t h i n g you see
Unless you c r y yourself a w a k e
Unless you've l o s t y o u r w a y o n y o u r w a y h o m e
Unless you keep up a damaging f a รง a d e
Unless you are k e p t i n s i d e a box
Unless it's easier to d i e than to l i v e
Unless it's easier to f o r g e t than to f o r g i v e
Unless time never s t o p s
Unless the rainfall never d r o p s
Unless h a p p y isn't r e a l
Unless you forgotten what it's like to f e e l
Unless your w o r t h l e s s to the world
Unless the world is just a bottle of p r e s c r i p t i o n p i l l s
Unless you're angry, and you don't know why
Unless you hate yourself, because y o u ' r e t h e o n l y o n e to blame everything on.
Unless everything is b l a c k and w h i t e
Unless you can see your b o n e s
Unless you can see your f e a r s
Unless you can see m e
Don't tell me that you know how I feel
Don't tell me that you know how I feel
If you have s o m e t h i n g to live for
If s u i c i d e doesn't make sense
If you've never been a l o n e
If you have p r e t t y eyes
If you have p r e t t y hair
If you're p r e t t y
If you don't wear clothes with b l o o d s t a i n s in them
If you c a n wear short sleeves
If you can be w h o you are, w h e r e you are, w h e n you are
If you've never held a g r u d g e
If you m e t your f a t h e r
If you m e t your m o t h e r
If your energy comes from the s u n
If you've never been in a m e n t a l h o s p i t a l
If you've never been in a l a k e m a d e j u s t f o r d r o w n i n g
If you've never been in a body y o u d o n ' t r e c o g n i z e
If you've never felt h e l p l e s s
If you've never bled o n p u r p o s e
If you've been l o v e d
If you know w h o you are
If you know w h o you are, and your h a p p y with it
If you know w h o you are, your h a p p y with it, and so is
e v e r y o n e e l s e .
If you're not me, don't tell me you know how I feel.
Unless you've heard an i d o n ' t l o v e y o u
Unless you look in the mirror and hate e v e r y t h i n g you see
Unless you c r y yourself a w a k e
Unless you've l o s t y o u r w a y o n y o u r w a y h o m e
Unless you keep up a damaging f a รง a d e
Unless you are k e p t i n s i d e a box
Unless it's easier to d i e than to l i v e
Unless it's easier to f o r g e t than to f o r g i v e
Unless time never s t o p s
Unless the rainfall never d r o p s
Unless h a p p y isn't r e a l
Unless you forgotten what it's like to f e e l
Unless your w o r t h l e s s to the world
Unless the world is just a bottle of p r e s c r i p t i o n p i l l s
Unless you're angry, and you don't know why
Unless you hate yourself, because y o u ' r e t h e o n l y o n e to blame everything on.
Unless everything is b l a c k and w h i t e
Unless you can see your b o n e s
Unless you can see your f e a r s
Unless you can see m e
Don't tell me that you know how I feel
Don't tell me that you know how I feel
If you have s o m e t h i n g to live for
If s u i c i d e doesn't make sense
If you've never been a l o n e
If you have p r e t t y eyes
If you have p r e t t y hair
If you're p r e t t y
If you don't wear clothes with b l o o d s t a i n s in them
If you c a n wear short sleeves
If you can be w h o you are, w h e r e you are, w h e n you are
If you've never held a g r u d g e
If you m e t your f a t h e r
If you m e t your m o t h e r
If your energy comes from the s u n
If you've never been in a m e n t a l h o s p i t a l
If you've never been in a l a k e m a d e j u s t f o r d r o w n i n g
If you've never been in a body y o u d o n ' t r e c o g n i z e
If you've never felt h e l p l e s s
If you've never bled o n p u r p o s e
If you've been l o v e d
If you know w h o you are
If you know w h o you are, and your h a p p y with it
If you know w h o you are, your h a p p y with it, and so is
e v e r y o n e e l s e .
If you're not me, don't tell me you know how I feel.
15.12.09
Seven Deadly Sins
I. surface tension and silver butterfly wings
a monday miracle in a friday fashion.
a two-by-four polaroid pressed into my window
and your screaming secrets crawling down my neck.
II. I talk, and you don't listen. You're arguing that the sky is purple, that grass grows inside my mind, and two plus two doesn't equal anything. But you don't listen, and you're wrong.
III. How is it that even when I win, I still lose?
IV. I am a fish
I may look like i'm swimming
But i'm secretly drowning, all the while
But at least I look okay.
V. Tell me that i'm pretty, anyway
and show me how i'm supposed to use this knife.
tell me that you love me
and give me drowning lessons.
tell me that i'm almost perfect
and teach me that it doesn't hurt that bad.
tell me i'm nothing
and make me believe it
VI. Grow me back from ashes
and save me from the black
save me from their watering eyes,
and tell me it's okay.
that i don't have to hurt if i don't want to
i don't have to hurt, if I don't try.
Do I want to try?
I s h o u l d n ' t .
but it's all i've ever known.
VII. Even though I know
that you can't
that you shouldn't
that you won't
that you don't
that you haven't,
and you weren't.
even though i know
why do i still care so much?
a monday miracle in a friday fashion.
a two-by-four polaroid pressed into my window
and your screaming secrets crawling down my neck.
II. I talk, and you don't listen. You're arguing that the sky is purple, that grass grows inside my mind, and two plus two doesn't equal anything. But you don't listen, and you're wrong.
III. How is it that even when I win, I still lose?
IV. I am a fish
I may look like i'm swimming
But i'm secretly drowning, all the while
But at least I look okay.
V. Tell me that i'm pretty, anyway
and show me how i'm supposed to use this knife.
tell me that you love me
and give me drowning lessons.
tell me that i'm almost perfect
and teach me that it doesn't hurt that bad.
tell me i'm nothing
and make me believe it
VI. Grow me back from ashes
and save me from the black
save me from their watering eyes,
and tell me it's okay.
that i don't have to hurt if i don't want to
i don't have to hurt, if I don't try.
Do I want to try?
I s h o u l d n ' t .
but it's all i've ever known.
VII. Even though I know
that you can't
that you shouldn't
that you won't
that you don't
that you haven't,
and you weren't.
even though i know
why do i still care so much?
13.12.09
the (truth/lies) i tell
i do not hate you.
i just refuse to meet your eyes and refuse to answer your questions, and it's because if you did, you might see this jelousy i can't describe.
i'm just whispering when you can't hear me, and pretending i don't hear you, and pretending i don't care.
i'm not crossing out your name, or crossing your line of guilt, or blaming you for what i've done. i won't lie to you and tell you that you don't deserve it, or that i would give anything to break your legs, or that even though i don't care it's not me, i hate that it's you. but that doesn't mean i don't want to.
but i do not hate you.
i do not miss you
i'm just listening to that song, over and over, and closing my eyes, and pretending you miss me too.
i'm just carving your name into my arm, so i don't forget you're alive, and carving my name into the other, so i remember that i'm not.
i'm ripping apart your paintings and forgetting your name and letting you destroy me without even knowing it.
i'm not calling your name and making you suffer and killing that part of me that's left inside you. i'm not wishing you ill, or crying at my tombstone, or making you remember what you did to me.
but i do not miss you.
i do not love you.
i'm just wishing you were here, instead of wishing you the best.
i'm making paper children, drawing them happy faces, just like mine in the morning.
i'm just pretending you're here beside me, just so i don't feel alone, and pretending it's you when the phone rings, and pretening you notice me when i know that you don't.
i'm just telling you you're amazing, and telling you you're fantastic, and telling you you're perfect. and my voice is just too quiet, so i know you'll never hear me.
i'm not calling you to hear your voice, and watching you from the shadows in which i reside. i'm not going to rip apart our paper children, even though it's not fair that paper boys and paper girls can be happy and i can't.
but i do not love you.
Right?
i just refuse to meet your eyes and refuse to answer your questions, and it's because if you did, you might see this jelousy i can't describe.
i'm just whispering when you can't hear me, and pretending i don't hear you, and pretending i don't care.
i'm not crossing out your name, or crossing your line of guilt, or blaming you for what i've done. i won't lie to you and tell you that you don't deserve it, or that i would give anything to break your legs, or that even though i don't care it's not me, i hate that it's you. but that doesn't mean i don't want to.
but i do not hate you.
i do not miss you
i'm just listening to that song, over and over, and closing my eyes, and pretending you miss me too.
i'm just carving your name into my arm, so i don't forget you're alive, and carving my name into the other, so i remember that i'm not.
i'm ripping apart your paintings and forgetting your name and letting you destroy me without even knowing it.
i'm not calling your name and making you suffer and killing that part of me that's left inside you. i'm not wishing you ill, or crying at my tombstone, or making you remember what you did to me.
but i do not miss you.
i do not love you.
i'm just wishing you were here, instead of wishing you the best.
i'm making paper children, drawing them happy faces, just like mine in the morning.
i'm just pretending you're here beside me, just so i don't feel alone, and pretending it's you when the phone rings, and pretening you notice me when i know that you don't.
i'm just telling you you're amazing, and telling you you're fantastic, and telling you you're perfect. and my voice is just too quiet, so i know you'll never hear me.
i'm not calling you to hear your voice, and watching you from the shadows in which i reside. i'm not going to rip apart our paper children, even though it's not fair that paper boys and paper girls can be happy and i can't.
but i do not love you.
Right?
10.12.09
13 Minutes to Reset
I. so i'll play pretend
and play god
and pray to god that my heat stops aching
the way it does.
II. i'll let the soap drip down my face
and burn my eyes
and pretend like that's why i'm crrying.
III. i'll whisper to you, when i know you won't hear me.
and talk to you when i know you won't pay attention.
and yell to you when i know you won't listen to me
IV. i'll reead my palms, and rread my wrists
and read my blood to
understand why i've
screwed everrything up like this.
V. i'll try to pretend like it doesn't fill me with joy
every time i see you smile.
i'll pretend like it doesn't fill me with hate
every time i see you smile
at her.
VI. i'll write dark poetry and write love songs, and right these wrongs i can't control.
VII. I'll listen to our song on repeat,
and close my eyes,
and pretend you're here,
and you're listening, too.
That you're right herre beside me.
i'll pretend you know i's our song,
and that you know i love you,
and know who I am.
i'll pretend like you care
VII. I wish it was that day in august, when there was everything and nothing.
i wish it was that day in september, so i wouldn't let you trip me.
i wish it was that day in september, so i wouldn't fall for you.
i wish it was that day in october, so i would get the courage to stop being couragous.
i wish it was that day in november, so i wouldn't let you slip out of my window
i wish it was that day in november, so i would catch her before she fell for you.
i wish it was that day in november, so i could tell her before she got the chance to love you.
i wish it was that day in november, so i would be less of a fool.
and now it's this day in december, and i'm left with nothing more than wishes.
VIII. You are worth a sky full of stars.
an empty auditorium.
a glass of agony.
a gallon of tears.
an entire container of miracle whip.
an acoustic guitar, on a sunday afternoon
a bad religion album, played on max.
a moment, where you voice kisses mine in perfect harmony.
all these tears that fall from my eyes
the bruises on my legs
the bruises on my back
the bruises on my face
and the slits in my neck.
you are worth an eighty page novel,
an hour of memoir,
and a time when i felt so alive.
but i'd neve cash you in forr them.
IX. am i a memory, now, dear?
am i a release, or am i a relapse?
x. you were an angel, but i am a ghost.
you were a miracle, and i am a mistake
you're earth, but i am venus
you can live, but i can kill
you can feel, but i can cry.
xii. i want to tell you i love you.
i'm just afraid that you will hear me.
xiii. thirteen is my favorite number, now.
you never liked it, you never liked me.
i guess it fiits.
it's all i everr wanted, something that fits right.
i'm a flat, square puzzle piece, and i'll never fit wiith anythiing.
i'll carve away at myself, until i would fit with you, almost perfectly.
but it won't matter, anyway.
she'll fit you perfectly.
i'll fade into the dark, and fade away, and go away, just like you told me.
i'll let you have her, and let you be happpy, and let you win.
i'm used to losing anway.
i lost you,
i lost her,
and i lost me.
and i don't think i'll bother looking for them
and play god
and pray to god that my heat stops aching
the way it does.
II. i'll let the soap drip down my face
and burn my eyes
and pretend like that's why i'm crrying.
III. i'll whisper to you, when i know you won't hear me.
and talk to you when i know you won't pay attention.
and yell to you when i know you won't listen to me
IV. i'll reead my palms, and rread my wrists
and read my blood to
understand why i've
screwed everrything up like this.
V. i'll try to pretend like it doesn't fill me with joy
every time i see you smile.
i'll pretend like it doesn't fill me with hate
every time i see you smile
at her.
VI. i'll write dark poetry and write love songs, and right these wrongs i can't control.
VII. I'll listen to our song on repeat,
and close my eyes,
and pretend you're here,
and you're listening, too.
That you're right herre beside me.
i'll pretend you know i's our song,
and that you know i love you,
and know who I am.
i'll pretend like you care
VII. I wish it was that day in august, when there was everything and nothing.
i wish it was that day in september, so i wouldn't let you trip me.
i wish it was that day in september, so i wouldn't fall for you.
i wish it was that day in october, so i would get the courage to stop being couragous.
i wish it was that day in november, so i wouldn't let you slip out of my window
i wish it was that day in november, so i would catch her before she fell for you.
i wish it was that day in november, so i could tell her before she got the chance to love you.
i wish it was that day in november, so i would be less of a fool.
and now it's this day in december, and i'm left with nothing more than wishes.
VIII. You are worth a sky full of stars.
an empty auditorium.
a glass of agony.
a gallon of tears.
an entire container of miracle whip.
an acoustic guitar, on a sunday afternoon
a bad religion album, played on max.
a moment, where you voice kisses mine in perfect harmony.
all these tears that fall from my eyes
the bruises on my legs
the bruises on my back
the bruises on my face
and the slits in my neck.
you are worth an eighty page novel,
an hour of memoir,
and a time when i felt so alive.
but i'd neve cash you in forr them.
IX. am i a memory, now, dear?
am i a release, or am i a relapse?
x. you were an angel, but i am a ghost.
you were a miracle, and i am a mistake
you're earth, but i am venus
you can live, but i can kill
you can feel, but i can cry.
xii. i want to tell you i love you.
i'm just afraid that you will hear me.
xiii. thirteen is my favorite number, now.
you never liked it, you never liked me.
i guess it fiits.
it's all i everr wanted, something that fits right.
i'm a flat, square puzzle piece, and i'll never fit wiith anythiing.
i'll carve away at myself, until i would fit with you, almost perfectly.
but it won't matter, anyway.
she'll fit you perfectly.
i'll fade into the dark, and fade away, and go away, just like you told me.
i'll let you have her, and let you be happpy, and let you win.
i'm used to losing anway.
i lost you,
i lost her,
and i lost me.
and i don't think i'll bother looking for them
thank youu. http://vampire-zombie.deviantart.com/art/Won-t-You-Let-Me-Shine-90010775
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