13 Minutes to Reset

I. so i'll play pretend

and play god

and pray to god that my heat stops aching

the way it does.


II. i'll let the soap drip down my face

and burn my eyes

and pretend like that's why i'm crrying.


III. i'll whisper to you, when i know you won't hear me.

and talk to you when i know you won't pay attention.

and yell to you when i know you won't listen to me


IV. i'll reead my palms, and rread my wrists

and read my blood to

understand why i've

screwed everrything up like this.




V. i'll try to pretend like it doesn't fill me with joy

every time i see you smile.

i'll pretend like it doesn't fill me with hate

every time i see you smile

at her.


VI. i'll write dark poetry and write love songs, and right these wrongs i can't control.


VII. I'll listen to our song on repeat,

and close my eyes,

and pretend you're here,

and you're listening, too.

That you're right herre beside me.

i'll pretend you know i's our song,

and that you know i love you,

and know who I am.

i'll pretend like you care



VII. I wish it was that day in august, when there was everything and nothing.

i wish it was that day in september, so i wouldn't let you trip me.

i wish it was that day in september, so i wouldn't fall for you.

i wish it was that day in october, so i would get the courage to stop being couragous.

i wish it was that day in november, so i wouldn't let you slip out of my window

i wish it was that day in november, so i would catch her before she fell for you.

i wish it was that day in november, so i could tell her before she got the chance to love you.

i wish it was that day in november, so i would be less of a fool.

and now it's this day in december, and i'm left with nothing more than wishes.



VIII. You are worth a sky full of stars.

an empty auditorium.

a glass of agony.

a gallon of tears.

an entire container of miracle whip.

an acoustic guitar, on a sunday afternoon

a bad religion album, played on max.

a moment, where you voice kisses mine in perfect harmony.

all these tears that fall from my eyes

the bruises on my legs

the bruises on my back

the bruises on my face

and the slits in my neck.

you are worth an eighty page novel,

an hour of memoir,

and a time when i felt so alive.

but i'd neve cash you in forr them.



IX. am i a memory, now, dear?

am i a release, or am i a relapse?



x. you were an angel, but i am a ghost.

you were a miracle, and i am a mistake

you're earth, but i am venus

you can live, but i can kill

you can feel, but i can cry.


xii. i want to tell you i love you.

i'm just afraid that you will hear me.


xiii. thirteen is my favorite number, now.

you never liked it, you never liked me.

i guess it fiits.

it's all i everr wanted, something that fits right.

i'm a flat, square puzzle piece, and i'll never fit wiith anythiing.

i'll carve away at myself, until i would fit with you, almost perfectly.

but it won't matter, anyway.

she'll fit you perfectly.

i'll fade into the dark, and fade away, and go away, just like you told me.

i'll let you have her, and let you be happpy, and let you win.

i'm used to losing anway.

i lost you,

i lost her,

and i lost me.

and i don't think i'll bother looking for them

thank youu. http://vampire-zombie.deviantart.com/art/Won-t-You-Let-Me-Shine-90010775